Moving in the Right Direction

I'm slowing but surely feeling better.  Today has been a good enough day on the UTI front that I drank a diet coke this afternoon.  For the first time in days, I felt hungry at dinner and ate pretty well.  By yesterday I was feeling at about 40% and I'd give today about 75%.  As my "tired of picking up the slack" husband put it yesterday, "40% of Peg is better than none!"  Today I tackled our laundry situation and was able to finally put away clean clothes that have been sitting in baskets for weeks and I feel a bit accomplished having gotten it all done when not feeling my best.  I think these past few days have been a wake up call for how unhealthy I've become when a simple UTI floors me. 

Yesterday was my Grandpa's 95th birthday.  We had a barbecue at my parents and two of my cousins and my aunt from New York came down.  It was nice to see them and we all had a nice time.  We got the usual "how are the girls doing" in hushed tones, but at this point I'm so used to it I simply declare they are fine and try to change the subject.  I usually try to talk about the boys at that point because it still really bothers me that all everybody ever worries about is the girls.  It really gets old after a while.

E and M continue to be so trying.  It's one thing to deal with their grief and anxiety issues in a direct fashion.  It would actually be refreshing to talk about their parents and have a little cry.  But it's quite another to deal with their constant need for attention and getting their way.  On Saturday, when I was at my worst, M actually starting coming up with fake ailments to compete with me as to who was more sick.  E's latest gripe is that I haven't made an appointment with a dermatologist to get a mole removed.  I've tried to explain to her that it just really isn't high on my priority list and that I'll get to it when I get to it.  It is on her shoulder in a location that most people wouldn't even notice.  It is not that big, but it's become a source of irritation since little kids this summer at the pool supposedly asked her what it was.  I know it's tough being a 15 year old girl.  The problem is that she's just one out of 5 kids and dentist appointments, the ADHD medication update and eye appointments have simply taken priority.  There is only one of me and I can't do it all.  As I was writing this actually E just asked me if she could play rec-league basketball or lacrosse this year.  Huh?  When I tried to explain to her that her swimming commitment is about as much as she and our family could handle, I got the sad face and argument about how all these other people get to do all these other sports.  Sigh.

Then there are the boys.  A continues to get his summer reading done, drawing and talking about reptiles and amphibians.  D continues to bother everyone in the house (especially A and M) to get attention.  I had to tell him last night to stay at least 4 feet away from everyone or he was going to be grounded.  L continues to be the cutest 4 year old in the world (just a little bias).

I talked to the boys individually today, at the suggestion of my therapist, about what they thought about this first year with the girls (it's been a year yesterday).  D declared that it's been terrible and it would be much better if I got them to stop bothering him.  He did admit that having M around was fun, but that she mostly wanted to be with A (an astute observation).  He was playing wii at the time so I didn't have his full attention, but he response pretty much reflected his behavior.  A said he felt the year was "medium" and that he thought that it seemed like they'd lived with us forever but he still remembers life without them.  When I asked him if there was anything we could do to make things better he said, "do more herping!" (herping = observing and catching reptiles and amphibians in the wild).  Classic A response.

All in all I have to hope that we're moving in the right direction.  I can only do the best I can each day.  Some days that's going to mean getting lots of housework done and making a great meal, but other days I guess I need to be satisfied with spending quality time with the boys.