I stayed up way too late last night. I just couldn't get myself to fall asleep. I was so anxious about today. We just had so much going on and I didn't know how I was going to get everyone where they needed to go. I woke up this morning with the now familiar pit in my stomach, worrying about how in the world I was going to get through the day. I wanted to hide under the covers. But...
L woke up in a good mood and made me giggle with his commentary as I got dressed this morning. A was really grumpy but the other kids got up and dressed pretty quickly and we were actually on time for school. My mother-in-law came over to watch L while I went to therapy and brought along his best buddy cousin J. I smiled as the boys welcomed each other like they hadn't seen each other in years. Therapy went really well today. I actually told her about my blogging and how it's helping me to work through a lot of issues. I left her office feeling like I actually have made some progress and had some concrete ways I can talk to my family about how they can both better help us and not continue to make this a bit worse.
The sun was shining today. The weather was warm and lovely. After doing a quick shop, I sent Nana on her way while I played with the boys till it was time to get the big kids at school. We went on a nature walk, threw rocks in the creek and collected flowers. It was so fun. Somewhere in there, I managed to get a ride for A, remind K that he had to do the carpool for M's soccer practice AND figure out what to do with dinner even though a large number of us were going to be out of the house around dinner time.
Today, I also arranged for an interview for E for a summer life guarding job at our pool. She is really excited about it and when I talked to the management company they pretty much said she had the job. I really think it's going to be a great way to meet new friends in the neighborhood and settle in a bit.
D, L and I set off to his baseball game around 5 and while we waited for the game to start, L and I played at the playground. He declared at one point, as the wind was picking up a bit, that I should tie a string to his waist so he could "fly in the sky like a kite Mommy!" Too cute. While I watched him expertly climb the rock climbing wall and go down the "big kid slide," I even read a book on AD/HD that my therapist loaned me to learn more about what we might be up against with M.
D pitched his first inning in baseball tonight. He loves to pitch with K in the yard, but he had never done it in a game. He was awesome. Two strike outs. Most importantly he looked so happy. He came home so pumped up. His joy filled me up to the brim.
The funny things is, we all came home to a bit of craziness. Homework still needed to be finished up. M started in on her pretend knee injury. E pestered me for attention. L was overtired and whining non-stop. But, I patiently dealt with all of them. Got all of them to bed, with clothes picked out for school pictures tomorrow and bags packed.
As I sit here typing this, I feel content. Strange feeling. I haven't felt like this in so long. K and I are joking back and forth as Dancing with the Stars and the basketball championship is in the background. What is most surprising is that I was so terrified about how I was going to get through the day. Maybe it was the sun. Maybe it was my need to see glimpses of hope in my life again. Knowing things around here, crisis will come barrelling down upon us again tomorrow, but for now I'm going to relish in the moment. Feelings of peace, happiness and the good kind of tired when you know you've accomplished a lot in the day. I need to hold on to this. Savor this and remember it when the inevitable dark clouds come back.