Random Snippets

Last week while putting L to bed...

L: Is God lonely?

Me: Why do you say that buddy?

L:  Well, he's up there with all of those dead people.  It must be very quiet.

I didn't know what to say and just tried to change the subject.  It was totally cute and kinda funny, but at the same time heartbreaking.  It's so hard to find the right words to describe death and heaven to a five year old when you're so confused about it yourself.

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E is going to junior/senior prom on Saturday night with a friend on her swim team.  She's been crushing on him for a few years, but since he's a year old it's been a safe crush from afar.  They are going as "friends," but I think she's secretly hoping for more.  I have to say he is a cute, nice boy.  He's also a great swimmer which I think is the major draw for E.  I'm excited for her.  As with most things, though, I wish her mom was here to help her get ready, do her hair and makeup.  C and S are coming over to help her get ready, so we'll surround her with lots of aunt support and love.

We also went to a sports nutritionist together two weeks ago and I think it's really going to help (even if it's a placebo).  One of the things she told her was that she needs to sleep more.  She's taking it to heart and gotten to bed earlier on the nights before swim mornings.  Step in the right direction.

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We've had a week of faker faker illnesses from M (rash, sore ankle, weird throat thing).  It's almost comical if it weren't so annoying.  I try really hard to give her the attention she needs without focusing on the injury/illness and feeding the behavior.  I am truly baffled by it.  Has anybody else ever dealt with something like this?  D often complains about upset tummies when he wants attention, but I usually chock that up to a reaction to his stress or anxiety.  A little TLC goes along way to make the symptoms disappear.  With M, it doesn't seem to make them go away.

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L was an absolute disaster at his kindergarten evaluation today.  It really means nothing, but it was embarrassing to have him hiding behind me and refusing to participate.  When he did respond, it was with an exasperated sarcasm like these simple questions were so far below him.  Again, really embarrassing.  He gets so scared about trying new things and sitting by himself with the school principal was no exception.  He eventually did cooperate, but it definitely reflect his developmental abilities.

On Saturday at his first soccer practice/game he refused to participate at first and wouldn't even take his sweatshirt off to show his uniform.  By the end, however, he was raising his hand to demonstrate and rocked it out in the scrimmage scoring 4 goals and high fiving all the kids good bye.  He's probably been to more soccer practices and games than any of the other kids out there, but he was still scared of the unknown.  Silly boy.

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I need to brag on A a little bit.  Multiple times in the last few weeks I have been struck by what an amazing little boy he is.  He is a great writer.  I think it's from all the reading he does, but his word choices and creativity is often well beyond his soon to be 12 years.  He is also a skateboarding, herpetologist.  I kid you not.  He can kick flip a four stair in one instant and then talk with such authority about the northern banded water snake that I'm stunned.  He actually has his own YouTube channel with multiple followers for his herpetology documentaries.  He wants to be the next Steve Irwin.  I would not be surprised if he reached that goal.  He is so comfortable in his own skin and is never embarrassed by his less than cool interests (drawing, reptiles, reading, etc.).  A is truly my rennaissance man.

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I know I complain about him a lot, but I really do love my husband.  Regardless of his inability to support me in the way I need sometimes, he is truly my best friend and makes me laugh like nobody else.  I've been trying to remind myself of this lately and trying to be a better wife and friend to him.  I've tried the nagging, badgering approach and it hasn't helped.  Maybe the "I love you and appreciate you" approach will help things.

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I've started taking a vitamin D supplement (along with E at the suggestion of the nutritionist) to help boost my energy levels.  I think it might be helping a bit.  My therapist wants me to take calcium too.  I got some, but the D gummies are just so much easier to take :)

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I had to drive by the accident site today.  I have to do it once a week now to bring M to practice.  I try to distract myself most days.  Today was harder because a sad song came on my ipod.  The tears came and I let them.  L was in the back seat playing on my nook so he didn't notice.  As I then drove by their old neighborhood, I had the irrational urge to drive to their house (now rented), go inside, climb on their cosy couch (not there and in storage) and sob.  I kept going, went to D's baseball game and tried to forget.  I miss my sister.