E, M, Jeanne and KT the Easter before the accident.
Recognize. Restart. Refresh.
I have been on edge the last two days. Grumpy mommy doesn't even touch it. I actually thought it might be PMS (way early). Irrational. Prickly. Angry. Seeing only the bad. Craving my bed, bad t.v. and my book to escape the feeling of tension seeping out my pores. Unfortunately D has taken much of the brunt with his talking back and not following directions.
I haven't been able to put my finger on it, until this evening as I put out the Easter baskets for the kids. It's a holiday. Another family event without Jeanne and Mike. Another holiday where the girls celebrate apart, then together, then apart again. Jeanne loved Easter. Although, we never went (K's family stuff), she hosted a brunch and Easter egg hunt for the rest of the family. The girls always had the best outfits and she took tons of pictures around their great back yard.
When I think of Easter, I think of Jeanne. I miss her so much.
I'm thinking about apologizing to each of the kids for my behavior the last two days. I want to explain to them in a way they can understand about how much I miss their mom and Aunt Jeanne. How sometimes I'm sad and it makes it hard for me to be patient. It's not an excuse for my behavior, but I don't want them to think that this is who I am or who want to be.
Tomorrow is a day about new beginnings. It's also another holiday under our belt in our new normal. I'm going to try to have a good night's sleep and start with a clean slate tomorrow. Feed off of the excitement and joy of the kids. It's supposed to be a nice day and maybe the sunshine will help brighten my mood.
I wish everyone a happy Easter. If you don't celebrate it, I hope you at least have a happy spring day tomorrow.
Here's to a fresh start.