During Christmas time, it really bothered me when we received Christmas cards that blended our last name and the girls'. I'm not sure why. No that's not true, I know why. We are still a family, the five of us. The girls are part of our family now, but somewhere in all of this, I feel like everyone has lost sight of the fact that we're still our family--the five of us. A family of three wonderful boys. I feel like since the accident, and especially since the girls moved in, our family, and particularly the boys never get a break from the trauma. The girls, and their myriad of problems, are a constant reminder of what happened. It's a constant level of stresss, sometimes a subtle hum, other times a pounding drum. It's always there.
I wish I could find for us a bit of space. Time away from the girls. Time away from the trauma. Time for just us. Time for us to remember what our family was...or is...But is this counterproductive? Would it make it harder when the girls came back? The few hours at a time we've had some time away from one or both of the girls has been blissful. Just typing that makes me feel so guilty, but it's true.
I think I could just use some space. We all could use some space. A safe space away from the girls, away from the accident, away from the stress. A happy space for us to relax, to be ourselves, to just be.