Yesterday in the car L and I starting talking about his upcoming birthday party. We've been talking a lot about parties given M and D's February birthdays. L has been talking about his "bug" themed party for months. He is so excited. As we drove by some construction workers, he exclaimed that next time he's going to have a construction guy party and then maybe a dinosaur party. I told him these were all good ideas. Then he said very solemnly, "but I don't want to have a dying party. That would be very sad. Dying is very sad." My heart dropped. He's 3 years old. He shouldn't know about these things yet. He then wanted to talk about Aunt J and Uncle Mk and whether or not their house is dead too. He talked about heaven and how he doesn't want to go there yet. It was so sad, but a discussion we obviously needed to have. It just sucks that he has to think about these things. I have no idea if this is normal. Should I talk to a therapist about it? Or maybe we just continue to have these discussions and maybe he'll understand as best as he can and be okay.
It is all so very complicated. Just when I think we're doing okay and have a handle on things, I think about the enormity of what we're trying to do and it's overwhelming. The panic starts kicking in and all I want to do is hide under the covers and escape. I can't do that. 5 little people depend on me.
Who knew talking about birthday parties could be so hard.