So I have five kids now and my sister died. In the spirit of trying not to let this define me, I thought I'd talk a little about me. Here are five random things about me:
1. I'm a soccer player. I've played since I was 8 and played for a top Division 1 college team. After graduation, I played on a semi-pro team and my club team won Nationals 3 times. I try to play about twice a week these days. Not to brag, but I'm still pretty good. It's the one thing that I do that I totally feel like myself these days. I'm good at it. It brings me great joy and is a great stress release. I also play with a group of awesome women which definitely adds to the fun.
2. I'm an avid reader. My genre of preference tends to be mysteries but I also love foodie books, memoirs (and blogs of course), and lately, I'm embarrassed to admit, juvenille fiction. Just like playing soccer, reading is a great escape for me and a huge stress release. One of my favorite things in the world is the stack of books next to my bed.
3. I work part time as an analyst (two days in the office, three days from home). After having A, I started this work approach and have done it ever since. For the most part, it works pretty well for both work and home. I've worked in many areas including international security, humanitarian assistance, antiterrorism and currently homeland security ( I started a new job in Sept.--another stressful story). I'm good at what I do, but don't always feel like I'm giving 100% at either work or home. It's a hard balance. I'm not sure I'll ever really figure it out.
4. I'm very close to my younger sisters. Especially my sister C. We actually work together (see item number 3). The last year has been extremely stressful on our relationship. Guilt, stress, resentment and grief have really made things hard. Our relationships are still strained but I feel more and more signs of normalcy.
5. I love food and cooking, but am extremely thin. I've struggled to keep weight on this last year. Stress tends to make me eat less, not more. I'm actually pretty sensitive about it, and get really annoyed by people's comments about how they wish they had my problem or how awful I look. I know it's something I need to work on. Getting more regular exercise I know would help on all fronts, but finding the time is nearly impossible.
So I just noticed that I still talked about my new stress, etc. while trying to talk about myself in other contexts. I know this new reality is something that has clearly changed me and my life. I just wish the impact wasn't so profound and that parts of me still remained the same, untouched, unaffected.
I miss my old life. I miss the old Peg.
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