1. Reggae the gecko has been found. During his nightly search two days after his disappearance, A found him about 3 feet from his cage under the book shelf. A few minutes of lizard wrangling later, little Mr. Regs was safely back in his habitat and a very happy 12 year old smiled for the next 24 hours.
2. I'm on day 2 of the meds. I finally went to my GP Tuesday. I cried. She asked the standard questions, tilting her head to one side with sympathy as she listened to the briefest explanation of what's going on with me. 45 minutes later I walked out of the pharmacy with 50mg pills of Z@loft. I did not anticipate the nausea, but according to Dr. Google this is normal and should subside. I really can't afford to not eat since the whole "I can't eat because I'm so stressed" is one of the reasons I'm taking them. I do feel different. I think it's better. I know it can take weeks to level off one's brain chemistry, but I definitely feel something shifting. I still feel defeated in a way taking this road. I felt much worse in the first year after the accident and was able to get through. I suppose the sustained stress of the last 3 years has taken its toll. I have hope that this will help.
3. The new Mumford and Sons album came out on Tuesday. Holy cow. I think they are writing the soundtrack to my life (or maybe it's the drugs). Grief, love, hope, despair all wrapped into beautiful melodies and harmonies. Nothing like new music. Yay!
4. We are fully into the soccer season around these parts. Everyone is having fun and playing well. The improvement in A is especially heart warming. As with most things, motivation for A has to come from within. He doesn't really care that much what other people think. K and I have worked hard to sit back with him in soccer and just let him develop at his own pace and it seems to have paid off. He is extremely fast and athletic and it seems to all be coming together for him. Fun to watch. We are also really happy with M's team. While it's a logistical nightmare getting her there, her coach is a friend of mine and nothing can replace a positive, female role model for a young girl athlete. She's having a blast. D's confidence is coming back with soccer too (his coach is pretty negative) and he's having fun. L starting playing this year too and it's quite obvious he has grown up on a soccer field. He's fierce. I actually played last night. It was great. I ripped a shot from 30 yards out for a great goal and felt like the Peg of old. It was nice.
So give me hope in the darkness that I will see the light
Cause oh that gave me such a fright
But I will hold as long as you like
Just promise me that we'll be alright
--Ghosts That We Knew, Mumford and Sons
I hope the meds help. I don't have any experience with that, but I do have experience with stress stretched out over long periods of time and yes, it may feel more intense in the beginning, but don't discount the cumulative effect. I was shocked toward the end of my husband's first deployment, when I thought I was doing very well, how much I completely collapsed when it was safe to do so. You don't have an end date for the source of your stress, and I can't imagine the kind of toll that takes over so much time. Don't feel like you failed in any way. You are just trying out a new tool.
ReplyDeleteGlad the lizard has been found!
Yes, this: "I suppose the sustained stress of the last 3 years has taken its toll."
ReplyDeleteHooray for Reggae being back in his creature home. Whew! I'm sure that is one less source of stress.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you are finally on something. I pray it is just the help you need. I believe Korinthia is spot-on with what she has written. She was finally able to relax--you have no end in sight. It must be touch to look ahead and not see any change on the horizon.
The new Mumford and Sons album is amazing! I've listened to it on repeat. :o)
I'm delighted to hear you were on the pitch scoring a goal! Hooray! That had to feel utterly incredible! :o)
Praying for an easing of your stress or a leveling out or both.
Hugs.