Wednesday, February 10, 2016


Well it's funny with age
you get to the stage
your head and your heart
Aren't on the same page
Your heart will wait forever but your skin says you're getting old

Good things come to those who wait
well the lights were up and it was getting late
She wore my coat because she said that she was cold
Funny how quick a coat turns into a ring
Looking back now I don't remember a thing
We don't talk about the writing on the wall
Somedays we don't talk at all
But when the lights are dim
And my time is free
I sometimes think about the good times that I missed
Sometimes think about the girls I could have kissed
But I settled for her
And she settled for me
-"Settled" by Passenger

He was my high school friend's big brother.  He was cute, funny, smart and a soccer player.  The complete package to my 19 year old self.

He's still the perfect package to me.  The package is a bit beat up.  Marred by resentments, hurts, family stress, breakages of trust and pain.

I'm no perfect package these days either.  Grumpy.  Yelling way too much.  Tired.  Sad.

I don't want to settle for our status quo.  I don't want "this" to be it, with us waking up one day with the kids out of the house and that house filled with a deafening silence of two people who lost their way.

I love him too much for that.  I love "us" too much for that.


  1. I hope he reads this, and that you tell him directly. Sounds like you need to carve out time for just the two of you; couple time where you don't talk about the kids, the house, etc. but focus on enjoying each other's company. Easier said than done, but worth the effort.

  2. This really struck a chord with me. I get it. You both need a couples massage.

  3. I hope you can find your way back to each other somehow.


  4. What I read here is the same love and attraction you initially felt for him when you first got to know him. That means there is hope. It's when that feeling dies and contempt replaces it that things are doomed, and I read none of that here--just longing and frustration. I hope things get better and you find the space to reconnect they way I'm sure you both want to.

  5. I have read your blog for a long time, but have never taken the time to respond. I lost my best friend in the world 17 months ago and as much as I love my husband, I miss having my friend to talk to. This has put a lot of strain on my marriage, so I can only imagine the strain on yours with the loss of your sister and having her children with you. I have been praying for you all for years, and hope that you can see the light in your marriage.