My therapist asked me this morning how I'm getting through the recent stress in our lives.
I looked her blankly and simply said, "I'm just putting one foot in front of the other and taking one step at a time." I'm trying not to focus too much on what could have happened, nor am I looking too far ahead knowing that the next 10 days around here are going to be emotion laden with the girls going to Indiana and the anniversary approaching.
I especially lived in the present moment last night as I sang, danced and cheered at the Peter Gabriel concert with my little sisters. I am a huge PG fan and S's husband was able to get us amazing seats about 20 feet from the stage. It was amazing. I completely lost myself in the moment and forget about all of the stress. He actually played his So album in its entirety without interruption. I'm sporting my concert t-shirt today and just that physical reminder has eased the stress today.
K had another doctor's appointment today. He's been having more discomfort in a different part of his ribs, but the doctor thinks it's just the effusion and not a new clot. His lungs sound clear. That's the good news. The bad news is that his blood level (INR) is now too high and we're adjusting the medicine again. The doctor reminded us again to be patient. Again, one step at a time.
Beyond all of our nuclear family drama, K's godfather Jim also died last week. He would have been 80 in December. A confirmed bachelor, he was a great godfather to K and has been a constant presence in my life since college. He and my father-in-law had been friends for almost 60 years since their days at Cambridge. He died in his sleep and wasn't found for three days. So sad. The funeral is on Friday and K is doing the second reading. We're doing all we can to support his parents, even if it's just listening.
The girls and I had a nice afternoon on Saturday afternoon shopping for a dress for M for the wedding. It was the first time in days that she seemed like herself. I tried not to over think it and just enjoyed the moment. It was a breath of fresh air.
People keep asking me how we are. I answer on numb autopilot, "We're fine." It's hard to admit how hard this past week has been. It's easier to just smile and tell everyone that everything is okay. Maybe if I say it enough, I'll start to believe it myself.