Normal Mommy

Yesterday afternoon we had K's next doctor's appointment to test his blood levels.  The office was busy and we waited 30 minutes till we went back.  The nurse for some reason had a hard time getting his blood (strange given all the blood thinners he's on) and brought in reinforcements after 3 sticks.  She thinks she just wasn't doing it hard enough.

His number was the same.  Still not in the therapeutic range.  Worrisome since it's on the low level and he still has the clot in his leg.  The shots continue till tomorrow morning and then he goes back in on Monday.  We changed his dosage of Coumadin.  I'm nervous because half of Saturday, Sunday and all of Monday he won't be on the shots which made us feel safe.

We both walked out of the office in a bit of a trance.  I felt like I wanted to throw up.  I intellectually realize that this is a long haul and it's only a minor setback.  We are still in such shock that this is all happening.

We drove separately to the appointment so he could go pick up D at practice while I went home to get dinner made.  I walked into the house and had to act like normal Mommy when all I wanted to do was go upstairs, climb under my covers and have a good, long cry.  But dinner needed to be made, L needed attention and A had tests for me to sign.  I had to pick M up early from school that afternoon because of her fake illness and now she was wandering around the kitchen mumbling.  E came downstairs demanding laundry and going on and on about the difficulty of being a junior in high school.

I wanted to scream.  I wanted to just be for a minute and get my emotional bearings. 

But I can't.  I have to be normal Mommy.  I have to make dinner, get the right sweatpants clean and nod my head in sympathy at E's latest diatribe against her pre-calc teacher.  I hugged M and encouraged her to talk above a whisper.  I listened to A talk about his latest skateboard plans.  I cleaned up dinner and got play dough out for L.  When D got home I got dinner out for him and cheered loudly with him when Werth hit a home run winning the games for the Nats (he and K got tickets for tonight...yay!).

Then I realized K hadn't take his dose of Coumadin and needed his shot.  Normal Mommy cut a pill in half to add to his new dosage and went upstairs to prepare the syringe.  My stomach was in knots as I got out the alcohol swabs.  I realized I hadn't really eaten dinner.

It's tough being mom on regular days.  It's really hard when you have to act normal when things going on in your life are certainly not.