Surprisingly to me, I feel really good about the meeting with E and the psychiatrist today.
E feels sad and alone. She feels responsible for her little sisters (especially MG and KT) and worries about them.
Yes, she is depressed. This has been caused by a nasty combination of grief and attachment difficulties. To quote E, she is "afraid to love us." She is starting to forget her parents and connecting to us makes her feel like they'll go away forever in her memory. My poor, sweet little E.
We'll start on a very small does of Zol*ft tomorrow. The psychiatrist emphasized that the biggest help is going to come from therapy. We're also doing some blood work to rule any other problems out.
I feel good about the situation because the doctor was empathetic, but very rational and analytic. Rather than wondering what's really going on in her head, I have a clearer understanding of how she feels.
I know in my mind that E's depression isn't my fault. I have secretly been feeling, though, that it is. She emphasized that we need to continue to do exactly what we've been doing. Continue to let her know that we're here and that we love her. "Keeping the door open" for her to know that she can talk to us.
I feel hopeful. It seems like a long time since I've felt that way.