I spent last night (early morning) in the emergency room with M.
Last night she had a full blown anxiety attack and I couldn't calm her down. My usual tricks didn't work. She was complaining of a pain in her side, but my gut feeling was that this was one of her fake illnesses/injuries. At one point she was pulling her hair and moaning "I want to go home." Other sad, strange statements...
"KT is happy right? She was playing with Liam on Sunday and looked happy...right?"
"It's not my feelings...it's really my side...I can control my feelings."
"Help me, help me, help me...nobody can help me."
"I can't tell you what's wrong...nobody understands."
It was awful. I didn't know what to do. I called the pediatrician and they agreed that going to the ER was the best course of action to rule out a real physical problem. I didn't want to be that parent that ignored their kid and then their appendix burst. But I knew. I knew nothing was wrong physically, but that this was a mental issue. Unfortunately (fortunately?), I was right. We had the nicest, most understanding nurses and ER doctor who were able to assure M that we all believed she was hurting, but that going home and getting rest was the best course of action.
She is home today. I'm trying to act like this is a normal day for her and the rest of the kids. I did all the right things I think. Contacted her therapist. Called the pediatrician back (we increased her Concerta dose and I want to make sure that is not playing a part). Paying attention to her, but trying not to overdue it. In all honesty, I have absolutely no idea what to do and am just going with instinct.
My family is sorta freaking out. From the ER, I texted the only person I knew would be up, my brother-in-law DG (husband of sister C). He was great and made me feel not so alone. Of course he called his wife this morning and the news quickly spread throughout the family. I reassured them that we are fine and that making more drama out of this isn't going to help (of course I'm typing this as she is rolling on the couch moaning and baby talking). I have to consider the other kids. The boys have no patience for her faker faker episodes, but this was different. It scared them. It scared E. Frankly, it scared me.
This is just another example of how on the surface everything seems fine with our family and the girls. It's not that simple. Yes, we are all better than a year ago. The fact of the matter is that we have adopted two grieving children. One of those has been diagnosed with ADHD and an anxiety disorder. Nothing in this situation is normal and it's a lot more complicated than people think.
I am exhausted. Physically. Mentally. We had a really busy weekend with me on single parent duty with four of them since K was at a soccer tournament with D. E had a bad swim weekend and refused to swim in her meet on Sunday (a huge issue and separate post in itself). CA had a four year old birthday party for KT at a bar/restaurant on Friday night in which only the big girls, my parents and KM's mom were invited (yes, another full post). This put E and M off all weekend. This all created the perfect storm for last night. Who knows why it happened. Regardless, it completely sucked.
I don't know exactly what to do. I cannot make this hurt go away for her. I guess moving forward (one step in front of the other and all that) and trying to get to normal. Whatever that normal might be.