Monday, January 24, 2011

This New Life

So I was arriving at E's swim meet on Saturday and I noticed the car next to me had a bumper sticker with the sports club our boys play for and E's high school.  I figured they were there for the swim meet too and when the mom came out of the car, I introduced myself.  When she asked who I had swimming, I mentioned I was here for E--my niece.  She immediately stopped and said, "Oh, I know you.  Well, I don't know you but I've been praying for you for a year."  She proceeded to tell me about she's good friends with some mutual friends on A's soccer team and her prayer group prays for our family and she thinks of me all the time.


She doesn't know me.  She doesn't know the girls.  I found it so strange that she's praying for us.  I don't know why.  I said, "Um, thanks..."  What I really felt like saying was, "pray for the staving children in Africa, prayer for the victims from Tuscon..."  I was so strange.  We're fine.  This all still sucks big time.  But, we're fine.

What's strange though is that I don't want the attention, but at the same time I don't want anyone to forget.  This huge thing happened.  My life is forever changed....for the good, for the bad.  Someone asks how many kids we have and I feel like I have to explain. I find myself telling random strangers about my story, but was weirded out by the lady in a parking lot.

Our friends treat us so differently.  Everyone is afraid to bother us.  Sometimes I think they just get tired of hearing my venting about how hard life is for us right now.  How much I miss my sister.  How hard it is for the girls.  How hard it is for the boys.  How crazy our life is.  Sometimes I must sound like such a downer.  I'd get tired of it too.  Everyone's life is hard and everyone has challenges.  I worry I'm becoming too consumed with our little crisis that I've lost perspective and empathy for others.

I know in the long run we're all going to be fine.  I know time will make things easier.  For now, though, I feel like I'm stuck.  The accident is still so fresh.  The girls in our lives is still so new (only 6 months). Will it ever feel normal?  Will we ever forget?  I hope so.  I hope not.

This new life is strange.

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