Wednesday, January 26, 2011

On Loss

My friend Connie died this morning.  She had a brain tumor.  It took about 1 year from diagnosis to today for her to die, with lots of hope, despair, pain and prayers in between.  She has 5 boys.  Her youngest three around the same age as our guys.  I am so sad, but....

...her boys got to say good bye to their mom.  They still have their dad.  Have I become that cynical and self-absorbed that I'm comparing our loss?  Our loss is so consuming, it's hard to see other people's.

I really wanted to go see her in the past week.  I just couldn't.  I just didn't think I could do it emotionally.  I guess I thought my situation would make me stronger, but it hasn't really panned out that way yet.

K and I can be such a support to Bart, Connie's husband, in the next months.  We are living with grieving children. Our boys are friends.  I just don't know if I'm up for it.  I'm barely holding it together over here.  Or maybe helping someone else will make me feel better.  Who knows.  All I know is that death just sucks and I still don't buy the "they're in a beter place" line.  Connie should be home with her boys.  Jeanne and Mike should home with their girls.

I guess I'm still kinda lost when it comes to loss.

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