Bit #1. I got a weird comment (since deleted) that suggested that I'm not anonymous enough and that this will negatively affect the girls in the future. Nothing about the boys, although a reference to K's work. It has put me a bit off my writing game. I hope that the person who wrote the comment had the best intentions. I found it creepy. I guess I got my first troll. If you are reading this and are said troll, I'm sorry if this is offending you, but your suggestion that my little blog could harm the girls is pretty far-fetched. Of course, it did make me question my blog and whether or not I'm being selfish. A few days of thinking and missing writing hopefully has set me back on course. I'm not going to lie, though, I was rattled.
Bit #2. Today is M's birthday! Yay! She is 14 and such a funny, sweet kid. She has certainly gotten served a rough hand, but she gets up every day and tries. We had a joint family birthday celebration for M and D, our February birthdays, last night for the Super Bowl. The party was a blast and both birthday kids had fun. The highlight of the night was my dad giving D the crossed little league bats he made for him to commemorate his little league career (this spring will be his last little league season since he turns 12). The hand turned "D--- Slugger" bats were amazing. He even put a hook on the box holding the bats for his all-star hat. D and my dad have a tense relationship at times and it was so nice to see D give his grandfather multiple hugs throughout the night thanking him for such a great present.
Bit #3. The further and further we get away from October, November, and December, the easier things seem to be around here. The emotional toll of those months is hard on all of us. It's gotten better each year. I think that my recognition of this is actually a good step in the right direction.
Bit #4. We are going into a tornado of sports activities with the kids in the next 7 weeks. I'm not sure how we're going to get through. Swim meets, basketball playoffs, away soccer tournaments....yikes.
Bit #5. Take bit #4 and add to it science fair for two 8th graders, the state geography bee for one 6th grader and two birthday parties. Can you say stressful?
Bit #6. I talked to my therapist today about trying to admit more to myself that things are going well with all of the kids and that I need to cut myself some slack. This is hard for a bit of a control freak and perfectionist. There is always something that needs to be done around here whether it's laundry, cooking, work, cleaning, driving or just hanging with the kids. I'm not sure how to get to the place where I can be satisfied and proud of what I do get done. And, more importantly, proud of how well our family is doing in the big picture. I tell everyone all the time that our new family is still a work in progress. I need to recognize the real progress that we've made. I'm trying.
I can't think of anything you've ever written about your girls that I would characterize as unkind so personally I wouldn't worry. Sorry the possible troll rattled you.
ReplyDeleteI can't see why your blog should affect the girls (or boys) in any way except positively, by giving you a way to process your thoughts and feelings so you can be the best you possible. Speaking of that, I'm glad to hear that you're going to work on giving yourself more credit. You are doing very hard and heroic work, and it sounds like you're doing it remarkably well.
ReplyDeleteGood luck with the crazy schedule for the next few weeks. I hope that everyone has fun (including you);
I'm always rattled when I get troll-ish comments. Always. It makes me want to stop writing and it takes me a couple of days to get to my "to hell with 'em" mindset. But, I get there and move on.
ReplyDeleteHaving read as long as I have, I say sincerely I don't see anything here that could cause the girls harm. And, WTH wouldn't you worry about all the kids and your husband as well, instead of just the girls?? Oy.
Happy belated birthday to M. :o) And, what a lovely gift for D! :o)
Good luck with the seven weeks of chaos you have looming ahead...!!
Hi Peg,
ReplyDeleteI am not the "possible troll" but I wanted to comment because I have had similar concerns reading your blog. I say this with kindness and the best of intentions. Trolls usually say inflammatory horrible things to outrage people on purpose. From what you said, it sounds like this person offered honest and constructive criticism--and that is what I hope to do. I hope you won’t find it creepy or antagonistic, because it is heartfelt. Blogging about family can be tricky. It's hard to tell your own story without compromising the privacy of others. It's a good rule of thumb, however, to only share personal information about other people when you have their permission (even if your blog is anonymous). If your family - kids, sisters and husband - know about this blog and have read it, then I'd say there's no problem. But I have a feeling that’s not the case. If I’m right, then you might rethink some of the things you've shared. I found your blog through Anna's blog (inch of gray) so I'll point to her as an example. She shares her trials and grief and victories while divulging very little about her husband and daughter, both of whom are aware of the blog. Information about grief, psychiatric diagnoses, medication, family conflict and sexuality are extremely personal and should only be shared by the person experiencing them. Especially given that you’ve shared this kind of information, I have to agree that your blog isn’t anonymous enough. Strangers can find out the identity of your family using Jeanne and Mike’s names alone. If your family doesn’t know about it at all, then that situation is only compounded because they will eventually find it too. I see this blog as a needed outlet for you, and it appears you've built a kind and supportive community through it--all valuable things. But I encourage you to think about making changes to better protect your family. You’ve all already been through so much. On top of all the other trauma, you don’t want anyone, including your boys, to feel betrayed to find such personal information about themselves online. I hope you’ll consider my comments and not feel rattled. I’m not trying to upset you, just trying to offer some constructive advice. I sincerely wish all the best to you and your family.