Mother's day in this house sucks. Father's day does too for that matter.
We tiptoe around the girls, and everyone, boys included, try to downplay the entire day.
At one point, M was laying prostrate on the basement stairs moaning. This after I asked her what she wanted for lunch.
E and I actually cracked jokes about her plans to visit the cemetery at some point during the day.
We went to a barbecue at my in-laws and I had to remind my sister-in-law why the girls seemed a little "off."
I do their laundry. I feed them. I make the appointments and help with homework. I cheer from the sidelines and poolside. I console them when they need me, whether they admit their need or not. I set boundaries and praise them for good behavior. I love them.
I am not their mother. They miss their mommy. I miss their mom. I wouldn't want it any other way. I never want Jeanne to be forgotten. I am not a substitute.
What sucks is how this reality impacts the boys and our family as a whole. Mother's day should be a day when I get to chill a bit and get a bit of a break. It's days like yesterday when the girls need me the most. I'd be lying if I wasn't jealous by the facebook posts of the other moms celebrating with their families.
My brain says it's just another day and the girls miss their parents everyday.
My heart hurts for them as the rest of the world highlights what they don't have.