Monday, May 13, 2013


Mother's day in this house sucks.  Father's day does too for that matter.

We tiptoe around the girls, and everyone, boys included, try to downplay the entire day.

At one point, M was laying prostrate on the basement stairs moaning.  This after I asked her what she wanted for lunch.

E and I actually cracked jokes about her plans to visit the cemetery at some point during the day.

We went to a barbecue at my in-laws and I had to remind my sister-in-law why the girls seemed a little "off."

I do their laundry.  I feed them.  I make the appointments and help with homework.  I cheer from the sidelines and poolside.  I console them when they need me, whether they admit their need or not.  I set boundaries and praise them for good behavior.  I love them.


I am not their mother.  They miss their mommy.  I miss their mom.  I wouldn't want it any other way.  I never want Jeanne to be forgotten.  I am not a substitute.

What sucks is how this reality impacts the boys and our family as a whole.  Mother's day should be a day when I get to chill a bit and get a bit of a break.  It's days like yesterday when the girls need me the most. I'd be lying if I wasn't jealous by the facebook posts of the other moms celebrating with their families.

My brain says it's just another day and the girls miss their parents everyday.

My heart hurts for them as the rest of the world highlights what they don't have.


  1. That sounds incredibly rough, no two ways about it. There are days it's definitely easier to focus on what you've lost than what you've got. Sorry Mother's Day is one of those.

  2. Oh dear. This all makes so much sense. In a no easy answer kind of way. Hugs.

  3. This is so hard, isn't it? I thought of you yesterday and wondered how difficult Mother's Day might be for everyone in your family. Your post is poignant, and I thank you for sharing.

  4. I was thinking of you Sunday, wondering how it was. I'm sorry. It's hard and terrible and it sucks when you can no longer enjoy holidays as you once did. :o(

    Please tell A that the pond is maintenance-free. :o) Brien built it with a pump that filters the water and pulls water into a PVC pipe in which he drilled holes in order to keep the water moving, but no damage the waterlily. :o) We currently have toad eggs and have seen frog eggs in the past. My goal is to plant around it in such as way as to encourage wildlife to come and visit. It may be small, but it's wonderful. :o)

  5. I think I've mentioned that my husband's father died when my husband was 4 (and the youngest of 8 living children) and Father's Day was a day that generally made his whole family feel angry.

    Your situation is so sad for all of you - these parts really stink.

  6. Mother's Day is such a hard day for so many people. I'm sorry.

  7. But, Peg, you are the girls' mom. And so is Jeanne. Those things you do for, and are to them, those make you their mother. It doesn't replace Jeanne. It doesn't negate her. It doesn't mean you are trying to take her title. It doesn't make her any less loved, important, or significant in their lives. She will always be their mother. But you, too, Peg, are their mother. A different mother than she was for them. But their mother nonetheless.