Wednesday, December 19, 2012

No Words

I have struggled to think about how I might write about the events in Connecticut.  My thoughts are jumbled in my mind and heart.

I was struck by people's comments about the shock of this happening in such an idyllic, suburban location.  Personally, I'd still be in shock if this happened in Chicago, Dallas or Kigali.

My eyes filled with tears last night at our school's Christmas pageant.  I hid them behind the lens of our camera as I filmed my 5 year old angel singing his little heart out, with his cousins as two adorable sheep a few rows over. I feel guilty crying about it when I know that my five are safe.

I kept it from the kids as much as possible.  I talked to each of the big kids individually about it and didn't say anything to L.  I let them lead the discussions.  They mostly asked the question I can't answer.  Why?

We don't have guns in our house.  We don't play with fake guns.  We don't have any first person violent video games in our house and never will.

Friday made me realize, however, that none of that matters.  Bad things can still happen.  Sigh.

My heart is heavy for all of the families effected...those grieving, those who survived and the valiant first responders who had to face the bloodshed and act with dispassion and compassion at the same time.

I guess I do have some words. Unfortunately, none of them seem adequate to describe the horror that occurred in that school.


  1. It's just sad beyond all comprehension to me. And the after school pickup has more meaning than it used to.

  2. I can't begin to process it all and why it happened and why he would do that. I'm unbearably saddened by the events and the destruction and devastation left in its wake.

    We can pray. That's all I've got.

  3. It is so, so sad. Thanks for sharing here. I was thinking of you, your family, and especially the girls, wondering if this brought the trauma of their loss to a fresh light.

  4. I wondered about you and hoped that the sadness didn't re-open those wounds that are still healing.

    An e-mail reached me from a family friend of the parish priest near there. Evidently there's no bishop in place, the pastor of the parish is elderly and can't do too much ministry, and so the brunt of it is being born by the Assistant Pastor, a young priest just two years out of seminary.

    The e-mail asked specifically for prayers for him so he can support the people of Newtown and Sandy Hook.

    It gave me some comfort to be praying so specifically.

    1. I actually saw the address too via another blogger and I'm going to suggest to our principal this afternoon that the kids send support to him and that they include him in their prayers at school mass tomorrow. She sent home a message on Sunday saying the kids are going to send messages to Connecticutt and I thought this might be a wonderful specific way to help someone who is doing so much for that community.

      thanks for thinking of our family :)

  5. Peg,

    Thank you for including Fr. Luke and Monsignor Weiss in your school's intentions. It's nice to have something specific to do in the face of not know *what* to do and feeling so helpless to do *anything*.

    I hope things are going smoothly as Christmas approaches.