Tonight was a bad night.
E had a bad day at school. She was obviously on edge as she picked fights with her sister at dinner. With me she was fine, though, and she shared about her day and made plans for the week.
The boys and I were siting in the family room while I did some work on the computer and the boys flitted from some weird football game and the cartoon on tv. E walked over at some point and asked about when we're going to let her drive by herself to swim in the morning. Currently, we let her drive 15 minutes on a two lane, 45 mile an hour road where she meets her coach and heads to practice. It's been working fine. At some point, we think we'll let her drive herself, but not now. That would involve her driving 30 minutes down a road in which people drive 60+ miles per hour. All of this at 4am and all of this on the same road in which her parents were killed. Technically, she's not even allowed to be on the road till 4 am anyway, so we are skirting the law by a few minutes.
When I said I don't know and that it may be never, she lost it and called me a liar. She always catches me at the wrong time and knows how to push my buttons. The manipulation started and the fight escalated. I called her out on the multiple lies the past week from her (mistake by me) and she started sobbing, lying some more and then more sobbing.
Enter M. She started having a panic attack and crying for us to stop fighting. Shaking, freaking out, and yelling at us to stop yelling. It was awful.
E finally went upstairs and locked herself in the bathroom. M had locked herself in their room. I got M out of her room and headed to our room, where K was hiding out. We both finally got M to calm down and eventually go downstairs with the boys.
I went in to talk to E and she was hysterical. She couldn't talk. She couldn't stop crying. I felt terrible. We talked calmly. She kept saying, "I don't want to be like this. I don't want be the typical drama teenager. I don't want to feel this way. I don't know why I'm crying." It was so sad. I hugged her from behind, kissed her on the head and told her I loved her. I left her crying softly and trying to study her AP history.
Meanwhile, everyone else went bonkers downstairs and were sprinting around and screaming like banshees. Lovely.
I called C. She talked me off the ledge. I eventually got everyone settled down and in bed.
This is just so hard. I never know if I'm saying or doing the right thing with the girls. It's all so complicated.
This was a very bad night indeed.