Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Beaver Fever and Other Things

I should be working.  The election results coming in on the tv are just distracting enough to make me want to pause from the work and write a quick update.

Last night I brought M and two of her good friends to see Justin Bieber (or according to L "Justin Beaver").  The screams, the tears, the jumping up and down and hugging was hilarious.  We had a wonderful night and M claimed it was the "best night of my life!!"  It was fun to be part of it.  She had no voice this morning, but rallied and went to school on time and even made soccer practice tonight despite getting home at midnight.

M sending her love to Justin.

Last Saturday was baby H's first birthday party.  S hosted a birthday party at a local farm.  Unfortunately, the weather was cold and overcast, so none of the kids hit the farm and stayed in the rented party room.  It was still fun.  I decorated the cake for the occasion and despite my disappointment in the sheep, I was pretty happy with the result.

K and I are still wrapping our heads around his health issues.  I really am trying not to think of what could have been, but given my life experience in the last three years, my mind often wanders towards the negative.  We still have no idea why this happened, which worries me that it could happen again and that time we won't be so lucky.

He's bringing D to a soccer tournament in North Carolina this weekend.  The doctor said he can go as long as he stops every hour and gets out and walks around.  I'm worried he's not going to do it.  I'm worried he's going to forget to take his medicine.  I just plain worry.

I am not sure how I feel about my meds still.  I'm faithfully taking them.  I'm not sure I'm having the same profound effect.  It's been a little over a month since I started so my brain chemistry should be adjusted.  My therapist on Monday suggested I should talk to the doctor about increasing my dosage.  I'm not keen on going in this direction and am hoping the extreme stress of the last month has impacted the effectiveness.

I feel like I'm in a bit of a limbo.  In between states of being.  Not as sad as a week ago. Not completely happy.  Stress is the underlying current flowing through it all.  There's always something to be done and something not getting done.  Speaking of, I better get some paid work done tonight.


  1. I know that limbo. Where you are hanging in the balance and sort of examine your feelings at a distance. I hate that feeling because I'd rather be more present than that, but some things are not always in our control.

    Good luck getting some work done!

  2. That photo of M is a hoot! I know it's different having girls in the house, but you have to admit, stuff like that is just fun (and funny). :o)

    I LIKE the sheep--I think the cake looks wonderful!

    K will remember. I'm sure it was a wake-up call to him about his health and he'll do what he needs to take care of himself. Although, I have to say I was more than a bit distressed when B was to fly to San Diego not two weeks after dealing with his PE and the dr. cleared him. I understand, I do.

    My girlfriend struggled with very deep depression for a number of years and had to try a number of different meds until they found the one that worked for her. She was had such dramatic improvement she no longer takes anything. Sometimes the trick is just finding the drug that works best with your chemistry.

    Thank goodness limbo isn't a permanent state. It's awful to be there, but you will move through it.

    As for "Proof of Heaven", I hope you find the same comfort and profound joy in it I did.

  3. First, M's face is priceless!!!! Second, the cake is adorable! I don't see anything weird about the sheep? Third, limbo is an interesting, often frustrating place to be. One thing about it, it gives us the opportunity to look at where we are, know where we want to be, and get together a plan for the transition. Hoping you feel some positive movement soon.

  4. I am glad that Bieber concert went so well - love that picture - perfect.

    I get you are rightfully stressed about K. In regards to the meds, ping me if you ever want to talk, I have been through some ups and downs with that as well.