Last week I was walking L to his soccer practice when I was rundown by a mom on D's soccer team. At the time I was carrying my chair, my diet coke (a must) and rushing L along because we were running a few minutes late (as usual) and I know he hates being the last person there. It had already been a crazy day with ortho appointments, crap at work, toilet fixing jobs, and arguments with D to get his homework done before I rushed out the door. I was feeling a bit flustered to say the least.
"Peggy! I was thinking about D the other day and how "jerk coach" yells at him all the time and you may not want to hear this but I had a great thought."
I paused, after urging my 7 year old to move faster than a snail's pace over to his field, and said, "Huh? D's fine, he played well over the weekend and at this point we just encourage him to do his best when he's on the field and not let "jerk coach" define his ability as a player. We're good."
"Well..." said annoying mom, "I was just thinking that maybe God put "jerk coach" in D and these boys' lives to teach them a lesson." She then proceeded to talk about her husband who is a negative person and how hard of a summer she's had and a few condescending comments about "how well D has been playing."
I snapped. Well, let's be honest, I snapped as much as I could snap on a soccer field surrounded by tons of kids and parents.
I told her, "First of all, D is perfectly fine. He is a great player, always has been a great player and is a valuable member of his team, regardless of what "jerk coach" says and how much playing time he gets or at this point how the other boys treat him (which isn't always great since he is "jerk coach's" butt boy). He is also 12. Soccer is just a game that D plays and by no means defines him. Second, I don't believe God has a plan and put "jerk coach" in D's life to teach him a lesson. GOD HAS NO PLAN!"
"But, even if he doesn't have a plan," she sputtered, "he allows things to happen. We just don't understand why"
Here's the thing...I don't think God has a plan for all of us. "Allowing" bad things to happen is the same as making things happen. If God has a plan and makes or allows bad things to happen to innocent people then I don't want anything to do with that God. Nothing good has come from Jeanne and Mike dying in a car accident. God doesn't cause cancer. God doesn't let innocent kids die of starvation or random accidents. What makes me any more special than a mom in the slums of Rio? Yet God let's me live in relative luxury and she lives in poverty and struggles to care for her children? I don't think God causes human suffering to teach us lessons or give us a test.
I don't believe that God is the master puppeteer manipulating us humans as He pleases. In that scenario, I don't have free will or choice in the matter. What I decide or anyone decides doesn't matter. How can I truly choose to follow His will if He's already decided what's going to happen?
This is what I do think. Bad things happen. We all have different life experience for whatever reason. And God is with us in the good and the bad. He is there for us in the way we each need and it's our job to choose to recognize it and act upon it in the way we should as decent human beings. Be kind. Don't hurt others. Love others. Treat people with respect. Be happy and be true to ourselves.
For some people, He is there in the beauty of the sunshine or a child's smile. For some people, it means they don't believe in Him at all. For others it's the call to prayer multiple times a day. Some need to feel like he's there to depend on and provide us the things we think we need whether it is a job, the latest gadget, healing from an illness, or just clarity of heart.
And for some of us, He needs to sit back on the sidelines until we are ready to realize He's still there.
A gentle nudge every once in awhile to remind me that there is something bigger than me out there, and not to be so mired in my grief and pain. A soft whisper reminding me of the good in my life. The very, very good in my life.
Wow, I'm glad you snapped. People need to know when they are unintentionally being cruel, and to present you with this idea of a grand plan... I literally gasped when I read that. In the scheme of all your boys have been through, "jerk coach" is just one extra little twist of the knife and a relatively minor one at that. I may not believe in God, but I believe in kindness, and I hope that woman is able to stop and reflect on how her words look from a different vantage point and learn something.
ReplyDeleteHope you were still able to enjoy your Diet Coke.
Diet coke was great after I took a few deep breaths. I also have avoided her in the practices and game since...even did the fake phone call last week to keep from having to deal with her again. She is a very religious person (Catholic) and seems to think that because we both send our kids to Catholic school we have the same life outlook...ummm no. I get the "God's plan" comments all the time, but for some reason I completely lost it last week. I honestly don't think she really realized how hurtful what she said was...she's a bit of a loon in general, hence the fake phone call :)
DeleteUgh, I hate that kind of surface religiosity. Has she really never thought about this stuff before? So glad you said something!!!
ReplyDeleteThat sounds like an awful moment. People can be so insensitive it's just shocking. The "God's plan" lecture seems to always come around when people are trying to make light of other people's problems. Ugh. Regardless of what you said to her (whatever it was, she richly deserved it!), what you said to us here is beautiful.
ReplyDeleteMy least favorite comment was "G-d doesn't give us more than we can handle." I wish I had a good comeback for it, but usually it reduced me to tears. Good for you for handling that comment so well.
ReplyDeletePeople are always saying things that are stupid because they have no idea WHAT to say. I typically give them a pass because I'm such a non-confrontational wuss. :o(
ReplyDeleteGood for you for NOT being a wuss.
Even if there *is* a Plan, it's not about jerking around little kids. That's an excuse for something that adults need to step in and handle. Good for you for responding to her comment!
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