Seeing Clearly

This is one of my favorite pictures of D.  It captures his intensity and competitiveness.  I love his self confidence on the playing field, whether it's soccer, baseball or basketball.  He carries himself with the same sense of self in the classroom too.  He is quite the star.

What I don't understand is how this little bundle of self confidence is still so lost in our new family.  He has taken to actually "marking" his territory.  All around our house (in permanent marker) he has written his name.  Baskets from Rwanda.  The wall.  Tables.  The windows.  Infuriating, yet sad all at the same time that he has taken these steps to let everyone know that this is his house, his family, his turf.

Today he had his first optometrist appointment for glasses.  He's failed the vision test at school twice and it was time to finally get him an appointment.  He confessed earlier that he snuck his friend's glasses last week and agreed how much better the world looked.  We had a crazy day today with everyone really busy, but I was able to arrange it that it was just me and D at the eye doctors'.

It was wonderful.  He was charming, sweet and funny.  The anger and defiance that he seems to wear as armour throughout the day was gone.  We talked, laughed and just felt so comfortable and relaxed together.  We had about an hour together and it was worth every minute.

I try to think of each of the kids as little banks.  I have to make sure that I make a deposit in them everyday.  A quick talk.  A special snack.  Another game of Go Fish.  Sometimes one of them gets a little extra, which can be saved up for the times he or she may not get enough.  I realized today that D really needs some extra deposits.  Right now he needs to be reminded more than all of them that he matters, he is loved and that I care about what's going on in his life.

I want him to have the same little "swagger" in his step around here that he has outside of our house.  He deserves it.