Can We Just Catch a Break?

So tonight C and I headed over to the Jeanne's house to say goodbye.  S was supposed to come with us, but bailed at the last minute.  She used the excuse that she had to finish cleaning out her classroom, but I really think she just didn't want to.  Lately I feel like she just wants to move on and not think about anything sad.  Understandable.

C and I left E with all eight kids happily eating dinner at our house waiting for K to come home.  We randomly stopped at Chipotle for dinner because we couldn't think of anything else.  We actually spent the entire ride there venting about our frustrations with CA and her care for the girls.  As we pulled up to the house, both our stomachs dropped as we saw cars with NY license plates in the driveway.  The renters.  They weren't supposed to move in till Wednesday.  Turns out the property manager walked them through the house today and gave them the keys.  First, we just sat in the car in front and cried.  We turned around and thought about leaving, but I couldn't.  We had done too much to get things arranged with the kids to not get to say good bye.  We finally walked up the driveway, their kids ran out and eventually the dad walked out and we explained with choked up voices why we were there.  They couldn't have been nicer, but it was totally awkward.  They left us at the house so they could walk to the pool and check out the swim meet.  It was awful.

We went inside and cried and cried and walked through rooms.  It was so not what I envisioned this night to be. It lasted all of 7 minutes. I wanted to sit and eat, laughing and talking about our times there.  I wanted the time and peace to say goodbye.  Instead we felt like strangers invading the renters home.  It was just another reminder that life isn't fair and best laid plans just don't work out.  Nothing in this situation is fair.  We can't even say good bye on our own terms.

We ended up heading over to the lake next to their neighborhood, sitting on a bench, crying and venting more about CA.  We rehashed, yet again, our decision about the little girls and what we could have done differently.  Not very healthy. 

So yet again, we were reminded about how awful this still is for our family and how much we sometimes feel so stuck in our grief.  I just wish for once something went our way and we could have had the moment we wanted as sisters.  At least a little bit of closure with the house.  Oh well, sometimes life just sucks.