Another Comment

Things I'm writing about that could possible invade or hurt people in our family according to another commenter
--mental health issues (ADHD, anxiety, depression, medication) of the girls
--my sister's sexuality
--family conflict

Summary of comments is that I'm not anonymous enough (even though nobody knows about my blog except for 3 close friends who I tell this stuff in person to anyway). It would be easy to figure out the who, what, and where of our family from our blog and this could be used to damage my family by others OR if the kids find out in the future they will feel I've invaded their privacy.

Things I'm struggling with on this:
--I don't know how to write without being totally honest and telling details of the story.
--As a family, we are very open about the girls mental health issues, especially M's ADHD and anxiety.
--My sister is gay.  Everyone knows this and it's not something we hide.
--There is a lot to our family story that I don't share and that is not included in this blog. 
--Despite the commenter's best intentions, I now feel horrible and guilty and that this blog, which has given me a great outlet and support system, has been selfish and despite helping me, it's something that inadvertently I have created to potentially hurt my family by invading their privacy.

I'm at a loss with this one.  It all comes down to people finding out that I write a blog and then tracking it down.  It's easy to do this if you are a reader and can use information from the blog to form search criteria in google, but not that easy if you don't know what you're looking for. If they google about the accident using the names "Jeanne and Mike" they can find their last name but no where in the press is my last name or the names of the girls. I honestly think it is a bit far fetched someone would use information found from my blog to hurt my family.

If in the future the kids or K find my blog and read it, I'm not sure they'd be all that upset.  They lived all of this.  I think they could be upset that I shared stuff they may feel is private.  But again, I wasn't posting this on a billboard or all over facebook to be read by people they interact with on a daily basis or even distant acquaintances.  My blog isn't read by very many people.

I feel awful and now incredibly naive and guilty.  Another mark on my "I suck at this" chalkboard.  I want to write.  I need to write.  I just don't know whether or not I'm going to be able to continue.

Tidbits

Bit #1. I got a weird comment (since deleted) that suggested that I'm not anonymous enough and that this will negatively affect the girls in the future.  Nothing about the boys, although a reference to K's work.  It has put me a bit off my writing game.  I hope that the person who wrote the comment had the best intentions.  I found it creepy.  I guess I got my first troll.  If you are reading this and are said troll, I'm sorry if this is offending you, but your suggestion that my little blog could harm the girls is pretty far-fetched.  Of course, it did make me question my blog and whether or not I'm being selfish.  A few days of thinking and missing writing hopefully has set me back on course.  I'm not going to lie, though, I was rattled.

Bit #2. Today is M's birthday!  Yay!  She is 14 and such a funny, sweet kid.  She has certainly gotten served a rough hand, but she gets up every day and tries.  We had a joint family birthday celebration for M and D, our February birthdays, last night for the Super Bowl.  The party was a blast and both birthday kids had fun.  The highlight of the night was my dad giving D the crossed little league bats he made for him to commemorate his little league career (this spring will be his last little league season since he turns 12).  The hand turned "D--- Slugger" bats were amazing.  He even put a hook on the box holding the bats for his all-star hat.  D and my dad have a tense relationship at times and it was so nice to see D give his grandfather multiple hugs throughout the night thanking him for such a great present.

Bit #3.  The further and further we get away from October, November, and December, the easier things seem to be around here.  The emotional toll of those months is hard on all of us.  It's gotten better each year.  I think that my recognition of this is actually a good step in the right direction.

Bit #4. We are going into a tornado of sports activities with the kids in the next 7 weeks.  I'm not sure how we're going to get through.  Swim meets, basketball playoffs, away soccer tournaments....yikes.

Bit #5.  Take bit #4 and add to it science fair for two 8th graders, the state geography bee for one 6th grader and two birthday parties.  Can you say stressful?

Bit #6.  I talked to my therapist today about trying to admit more to myself that things are going well with all of the kids and that I need to cut myself some slack.  This is hard for a bit of a control freak and perfectionist.  There is always something that needs to be done around here whether it's laundry, cooking, work, cleaning, driving or just hanging with the kids.  I'm not sure how to get to the place where I can be satisfied and proud of what I do get done.  And, more importantly, proud of how well our family is doing in the big picture. I tell everyone all the time that our new family is still a work in progress.  I need to recognize the real progress that we've made.  I'm trying.