Brain Dump

I've been a bit absent on the blog of late due to many reasons.  The main one being life.  It's mostly the good kinda busy.  Paid work, family work and sprinklings of fun.  To catch everyone up, here's a list:

1.  We went to the beach.  It was mostly fun.  Weather was bad.  K and D missed most of it due to all-star baseball.  That kinda sucked.  I missed both of them and single parenting at the beach was tough.  To make up for D missing the beach, K is bringing the big boys to a "boys" weekend.  Good for them, but I'll miss them.  I don't like the split vacations and it's another reminder that without the girls we wouldn't be doing it.

2.  A got his cast off yesterday.  Yay!  He's walking funny still and has to do some therapy, but we're hoping he'll be back to normal activities in a few weeks.  Hopefully good as new by our vacation in Hilton Head and back on the soccer field in mid-August.

3.  The girls are, well, the girls.  My new easy breezy approach is helping a bit.  I'm starting to come to the realization that my ability to to teach, shape or mold their lives may be limited.  In lots of ways, they came to us already formed and while those personalities often clash with our family, accepting it's not our fault feels better.  A little less guilt is always a good thing.

4.  I hate swim team.  It does not gel with our family.  But the girls swim and it's been a great way for them to make friends and become part of our neighborhood.  I'm trying to help when I can, but in general I find it one step too far.  Only 3 weeks left including divisionals and all-stars so I see the end in sight.

5.  K's relationship with M has really been going well.  His relationship with E has pretty much stayed the same.  They speak to each other only when necessary and it's usually prompted by him with 2-3 words responses from E.  He has never tried to replace her dad.  It's sad to see how she keeps him at such a distance.

6.  The neurologist does not think my mom has Parkinson's.  My dad sounded upset by this since I think he wanted a magic pill to make things better. She goes for more tests this week.  I feel really bad for her.  I feel really bad for both of them.

7.  I helped sister C with her twins' 7th birthday party last weekend.  It was a beach theme and loads of fun.  I didn't have the time to help, but doing it made me feel good.  L had an awesome time at the party.  The highlight was giving them their "very own" chess set after he taught both of them to play last week.  I love cousin love.

8.  Last week L and D walked directly into a wasp nest during one of our "herping with A" outings.  One sting for L and about 15 for D.  It was really scary and painful for both of them.  A seemed more concerned that he missed getting the two ring-necked snakes he had caught on film.  Love the brotherly love.

9.  It's finally nice and hot in these parts so we spent lots of time at the pool the last two days.  L's swimming is coming right along.  C's and her kids came with us yesterday and the cousin peer pressure enticed all the kids to up their swimming prowess.

10.  Lots of college stuff going on with E.  Coaches are calling which is really cool.  Her leading schools so far are William and Mary, Bucknell, Rice and still Navy.  Class rankings just came out, so with her number one ranking, awesome SAT scores, five 5's on her AP exams and her grades, the sky is the limit.  The trick is finding the academic fit with someplace she can swim.  At times the thought of her going away to college is overwhelming.  At other times it's freeing.  Complicated feelings to say the least.

Hide and Seek

"Just a second honey, I need to finish up this work"

"Who are those people Mommy?  Where is that?"

I often sit on the couch working on my laptop in the afternoons and evenings.  It's a central place, where I'm accessible to the kids and, to be frank, is more comfortable than my office.

It's also my best hiding place.  I know I should be working, but the lure of the blogs is too strong.  I hide from my own life of drama and stress into the lives of others.  I love to read of the rhythms of their every day lives.  Snapshots of their families and stories.  I get wrapped up in their sorrows and joys, while at the same time trying to escape mine.  I've made friends in this secret hiding place.  Sometimes it feels like the only comfort in my day.

I often feel guilty about this secret life and the amount of time I spend reading.  I haven't told many people in my real life about my blog, although I often mention to others about the blogs I read.  I don't think any of them understand how much I rely on those blogs to help me get through the day.  Little moments of inspiration or thoughtfulness to give my life some perspective.

My blog reading isn't just about hiding.  I know it's also a manifestation of my need to seek some meaning in my life.  Trying to find vestiges of the old Peg who walked surefooted through her days of motherhood, marriage and family.  Seeking friendship and support.  Looking for the means to walk upright in my life that has been completely turned upside down.

My kids love to play hide and seek.  Little do they know, the master is sitting right beside them on the couch.