tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5879690231462568727.post4736090505953800644..comments2023-10-06T11:56:11.987-04:00Comments on Family Rocks: The Life of Peg: Pretty Little LiarsPeghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02162890081910497200noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5879690231462568727.post-89073515164944074242011-08-04T23:18:01.375-04:002011-08-04T23:18:01.375-04:00I love the writing idea for M. Since she's be...I love the writing idea for M. Since she's been taking her medicine, she's been able to play by herself more (especially drawing and working on her fashion stuff). Writing could be another outlet. It's also good practice too for school.<br /><br />I have been trying more and more to treat all the kids the same and the girls are not liking it at all. E complains to her therapist about it and M rolls eyes and talks back. I guess that normal kid behavior though. I guess we both have to work on the trust thing. With E at this point, the trust thing really is a safety issue since she's given more freedom. With M, I want her to feel safe with us to tell the truth. D especially calls me out on treating the girls differently. It doesn't help anybody. <br /><br />It's all just still so complicated. I wish there was a "how to deal with life after you adopted your two nieces in addition to your three boys after your sister and her husband died" manual that could tell me what to do.Peghttp://lifeofpeg-familyrocks.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5879690231462568727.post-19237297715830415952011-08-04T22:34:22.421-04:002011-08-04T22:34:22.421-04:00I was going to suggest story writing as an outlet ...I was going to suggest story writing as an outlet for M as well. <br /><br />I concur with Korinthia and think it's a control issue--as in it's something THEY can control in their lives. I also wonder if this is something that they did with their parents. Did E always do this to try to manipulate the situation? It's still a control issue though, isn't it? How pressured do you think she felt to be the "perfect one"? I'm seriously just asking here, no snideness or sarcasm intended. I think that would be a difficult image to live up to. Just because it looks like you're successful at something, doesn't mean that you aren't struggling and trying to find some way to fake it. <br /><br />Lil lies to get out of trouble, but I can always tell and call her on it at once. Poor thing. ;o) We've talked about the importance of always being truthful, we talk about our faith and the need to be honest, but well, she still does it. I think self-preservation is a big thing for her. <br /><br />I hope the therapists have some suggestions for you, because, I'm clueless. I'm always astounded at how well you manage in this situation. I'm tempted to tell you to treat your girls (for they are yours now) the same way you treat your boys. Sure, you parent all your kids a bit differently based on their individual needs, but there are some things that we hold all our kids accountable for, right? There are certain rules and expectations in place that are FAMILY rules. <br /><br />I know the girls are fragile--of course they are. But, I keep thinking (and I'm sure I'm WAY off-base here) that at some point you have to treat them the same way you would treat the boys. The kids are savvy and know when there are two different standards, you know? <br /><br />Ultimately, as I've said so often, parenting is the hardest job I've EVER done. There's no manual and you have to wing it so often. With the boys you've been blessed to grow with them. The girls came to you insta-angst. There is nothing angstier (nice word, huh?) than tween and teen girls. Oy. What IS the right thing to do?<br /><br />I'm rambling again, aren't I? Sorry. :oS<br /><br />Hugs to you, friend.Rachhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09317328366288947798noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5879690231462568727.post-3018966496985050822011-08-04T12:28:25.637-04:002011-08-04T12:28:25.637-04:00That's really tricky. If I had to guess, I wo...That's really tricky. If I had to guess, I would say it comes down to something they can control. Their world was blown apart in a way they may never fully come to grips with, and they are aware of how vulnerable they are probably more than any other children they know.<br /><br />One of my children lies often (and the other two almost never). The one who lies gets lots of lectures about how it's a trust issue. I have to be able to trust my children and they have to be able to trust me. My kid seems to get the whole 'boy who cried wolf' thing, but it doesn't change the behavior. I don't know what to do about it either, other than remind all my kids why it's important to tell the truth and model the behavior I expect the best I can.<br /><br />If your girls hadn't experienced so much trauma it would be interesting to try lying to them for a week and see how they like it, but they know all about feeling insecure and in their case it would be a bad idea.<br /><br />I wonder with M if you could channel her fantasy life into writing? Give her an outlet to write and illustrate little books--give her a special shelf for all her fiction and challenge her to fill it. For E, well.... I think with teenagers you just have to remain consistent and know that it is getting through even if they can't bring themselves to let you know. Teenagers never look like they are listening, but they are. You probably just have to stay on top of the truth on your own and not confront her about it too directly. If you keep the parameters tights and always call to check she is where she says she is, etc., and make the consequences for lying clear at the outset, lying may not be as tempting.<br /><br />Good luck. If your therapist has suggestions please share them!Korinthia Kleinhttp://blogs.babble.com/holding-down-the-fort/noreply@blogger.com